36 questions that lead to love, via NYTimes

When you have friends, torture them with this. If not, teach your dog Romanian.

Set I

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

M: Jesus
C: Cleopatra or Catherine the great
S: Tracy Chapman (I want to know if my imaginary love is a nice person or an asshole, so I will know if I can trust my feelings again)

  1. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

M: Hell, no. It would scare the shiet out of me to no longer be able to walk and talk by myself (or to stray dogs) on the street without interference. Besides, I suck at small talk.
C: Hell, no. I like feeling anonymous when I’m in a crowd.
S: Yes, I used to want to be famous by winning the Nobel Peace Price, but the fantasy of Nobel Peace Price was a prove of that I made the world a better place. I needed the prove, because I feel guilty of being a rich European. Now that I don’t feel guilty I don’t need to be famous and win the Nobel Peace Price. Now I want to be famous because then I maybe have a better chance to meet Tracy Chapman.

  1. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

M: No, psycho. Before saying “alo” I already know if I’m gonna say “hy”, “hello”, “what’s up” or “fuck off”.
C: Yes! I get anxious before making a call. Practicing helps.
S: Sometimes if it’s a formal call about a job or if I want to avoid a conflict with a friend

  1. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

M: A day in the forest, with a dog and red, dry wine. By myself.
C: A relaxing day in the mountains by a lake. Go for a hike. Have a nice meal and some good sex with someone I enjoy.
S: A sunny Day where I went to the forest in day time. Have a good meal and went to a cultural event in the evening like at theater or a concert with somebody nice, who love the forest and share my taste in theater and music.

  1. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

M: I’m singing right now “damn, I feel like a woman”. Ps: no, I don’t. To someone else? I think my neighbor hates me.
C: Every time I drive, so daily. And to someone else, whenever I teach younger grades we sing.
S: I don’t sing I hum to myself when I am happy. I don’t sing to somebody I sing with somebody. The last time I sing with somebody was at my niece 10-year-old birthday in September.

  1. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

M: I was terrible at 30. I would most likely be terrible at 90s. The body it is then.
C: Body. My mind was shiet at 30 and don’t want that.
S: My mind. One reason I want have a mind as when I was 30 years old I did not have my psychoses yet. I was not mental ill. I could read fictions. Second reason is why I don’t want my 30-year old body is that, when I was 30-years old my body was my enemy. I did not accept my sexuality, or I was afraid of psychically activities. My body was this alien thing attached to my neck. Now I know my mind is the first step to be able to accept my body and its limitations.

  1. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

M: Yep. Fast, alone and in pain.
C:  Getting hit by a car crossing the street. That’s why I always look both ways so many times before crossing.
S: No. I know how I wish I would die, without physically pain and with a clear and peaceful mind

  1. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

M: Travel, literature and wine.
C: Laughter. Cooking. Being active.
S: 1: Humor 2: Love of cultural things 3) Physically attraction toward each other

  1. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

M: for surviving
C: My friends.
S: I most grateful that I not in a psychotic state of mind permanently

  1. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

M: nothing/everything
C: Nothing. But I wonder what it would have been like to be accepted as gay from a very young age and not feeling so ashamed of myself for so long.
S: A lot of things I like to change, but most important I would like to have learn the ability to try again if there something that was/is difficult for me.

  1. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

M: Four minutes are an eternity. Give me a black hole.
C: Let’s just make out for 4 minutes instead.
S: I will tell I love art, music and culture and intellectual discussions about politics and religion. I can only work part because I have a mental disease, which limits me in the daily life but the experience with a mental disease have given me a spiritual dimension in my life. This spiritual dimension is my strength when I judge myself in the eyes of the society.

  1. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

M: Forgiveness / ubiquity
C: Forgiveness and mental health.
S: The ability of not giving up
Set II

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

M: Nothing, it will ruin it.
C: Next week’s lottery numbers.
S: I want to know if I will be able to love myself

  1. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

M: Rob a bank. Well, not enough red, dry wine and not so many friends.
C: Not really. If I want to do something and can afford it, I do it. Living in the mountains would be great one day.
S: I dreamed of getting new friends in Denmark, who share the same interest as me. I am afraid of being rejected and I have never learned the social rules in The Danish society.

  1. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

M: the trinity of me, myself, and I
C: The friends I’ve made.
S: To make friends

  1. What do you value most in a friendship?

M: humor and freedom
C: Acceptance
S: To be able to support each other

  1. What is your most treasured memory?

M: my childhood
C: Memories of my grandparents and my friends.
S: Our time in India

  1. What is your most terrible memory?

M: my childhood
C: Ugh. Heartbreaks and feeling utterly alone.
S: When I was psychotic and thought I was a pedophile

  1. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

M: Not much. That possibility is not that far away. For a month or so I’ll try to race things up, living in the fast line. I’ll calm down soon and embrace the routine again. In the end, I’ll go in the forest, take a dog with me, find a cave and rest.
C: I’d try to see all my friends one last time and definitely spend lots of time at lakes and mountains.
S: I would leave my job and move abroad to a warm and sunny place. I don’t want to spend my last year in a job where I can’t use my skills and educations. I hate the Danish weather. If I only had one year left I want to spend it some place where I didn’t curse about the weather.

  1. What does friendship mean to you?

M: I’ve got two friends. One is gay, the other is schizophrenic. That’s what society sees in them. For me, they are my family of choice, the ones who dig me from the gutter. The ones who dig me.
C: Everything. My Maria and Scunner were the first to truly accept and love me and taught me to do the same.
S: Friendship is the most important form of relationship in my life. My dream partner will also be my friend.

  1. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

M: Read no. 20 answer.
C: I think I’ve confused love and lust for too long. And, to me, affection and acceptance are the same. A hug is just as nice as person that understands.
S: Dreams and imagination

  1. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

M: He’s funny. Not haha funny. More like stupid funny. Smart, innocent, curios, loyal, calm.
C: He’s funny, kind, trustworthy, good communicator, and easy to be around
S: My dream partner will have this characteristic. It will be a person that value human beings and do not care about materialistic things or fine positions and titles.

  1. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

M: I can’t stop laughing. My childhood was different. But so was I.
C: They are pretty close and warm. I’ve always felt like an outsider but we care for each other. I think my childhood was less happy than others because of anxiety.
S: My family is close like a broken phone screen. Total scatted but still in the same frame. I felt I had a happy childhood with dogs and a twin sister I always could play with. Later I blamed myself that I got a metal disease even though I had such a happy childhood. Through some conversation with my big sister, who thinks her childhood was terrible, I could see some negative aspect of my childhood. My parents never encourage me to solve my problems. My father shouted or made fun of his children’s difficulties. My mother took over and solved the problems if she could. Example: My father made fun that I couldn’t learn English and my mother wrote my school paper in Danish. Now I can see both the positive and negative aspect of my childhood, but not I or my parents can’t be blame for my mental disease. Happy or bad childhood doesn’t prevent or create a mental disease.

  1. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

M: She’s a good cook.
C: She’s nice and some things drive me crazy but she’s funny and nice and we have a good relationship. Not best friends but supportive.
S: I feel is a continuing fight for being independent from her. Her identity is based on others’ dependent on her either as grandmother, mother or doctor. She is most happy when her husband, children, grandchildren or other people need her as doctor.


  1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

M: We are not both in the room, thank you. I will feel claustrophobic. We are both at work, you’re counting numbers, I’m…well, I think I’m answering questions. And I’ve got three more to go. Hold on. We are both in dire need of a get way. We are both stupid, less stupid then most, but more stupid then others. We are both tired.
C: We need to see each other soon. We Should meet in Denmark. We should go to lego land and go dancing.
S: I am alone, so I cannot make three “true” we statements.

  1. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

M: I’m not the sharing type. I don’t even like sharing food, not to mention wine.
C: A couch while watching a movie.
S: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share my love for reggae music. “

  1. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

M: Know that are things I will never share with you. Nor to myself willingly.
C: I’m not going to read your mind. Tell me if you’re mad or happy or horny. I will do the same.
S: Probably that I suffer from schizophrenia

  1. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

M: Just met? It’s been a decade, too long now. Ok. I like you from 10 years ago, I like you from 5 years ago, I like you from two weeks ago. I guess, I like you.
C: Lol. What haven’t I told you ladies? I like that you share yourself with me, even the messy parts.
S: I haven’t met my partner so I don’t have anything to say

  1. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

M: He might have witnessed them all.
C: Getting caught looking at porn when I was in high school. So embarrassing.
S: I first need to meet my partner before I can share anything

  1. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

M: Four years ago. Monday night.
C: This summer in front of my nephew (he’s 2 and gave me a hug). Couple days ago.
S: In October 2017 at a funeral for my grandfather’s second wife. In January 2018 when my big sister rejected me again.

  1. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

M: That you used to call yourself Alexandru, third year student at Theatre school. Love that.
C: I’ve been using ladies as my ‘partner’. You both have nice butts.
S: It is impossible I can’t tell my dream partner anything, because I haven’t yet met he or she

  1. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

M: Nothing is too serious to joke about.
C: Nothing is too serious to joke about.
S: Nothing is to serious to be joked about!

  1. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

M: That I’m a real idiot. And all my life I’ve been an idiot. Regardless of what I, some people or society said at some point. Still an idiot.
C: That I miss him. Because he’s done with me and don’t want to let go yet.
S: That I love them. Because they don’t want to talk with me about feelings or they don’t want to talk to me at all.

  1. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

M: My books, cause I wouldn’t be alive without them.
C: A portrait my friend painted of me.
S: My phone so I could contact my friends and the fire department

  1. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

M: Too late to answer that question.
C: One of nephews or niece. Too horrible to think about and how much heartbreak that would cause.
S: My mother – she the one who takes care of me.

  1. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

M: So, I’m Jizez. And I have the power to resurrect from the dead. Which also means I have the power to kill and then resurrect from the dead. Who would you start off with? You know my answer. But who’s your first choice? Felt great, huh! I know. I’m so bad, it’s too good to be true.
C: I’m still sad about the end of my last relationship and I think about him all the time. It’s exhausting
S: I first need to meet my partner before I can share anything

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